First of all: I thought a lot about this topic, I guess, as often as anybody else, too rarely. There is no guide for everybody to get them to love theirselves, but I wanted to put together some thoughts and tricks of mine, with a lot of irony and dark humor. 🙂 Self love is something everyone should do, but others let us feel like we are egoistic, selfish and silly when talking about it or doing something about it. THAT’S silly. Because this would make us all individuals, more confident and happier, and that’s something social media and society don’t want us to be, because our insecurities gain them a lot of money and power.
We live in a century, where race, gender, hobbies and passions are still worth a discussion and where racism, sexism, hate and envy are still real problems, we all have to deal with, one way or another. People think they can judge without permission, and put you into a box they think you should fit in. They shouldn’t! I guess all of us heard things like the following sentences in some variations:
- Do you really want to go outside looking like that?
- Don’t you think some more fabric will make you look better?
- Your tattoos will look like crap when you are older.
- Don’t be so loud, men don’t like that.
- Why aren’t you talking to anybody? Are you really this arrogant?
- Why are you looking always so sad/ angry/ annoyed? You should make a happy face!
- you won’t be gay anymore, when you’ve met a proper boy/girl.
… and so on and so on. I bet there are millions of millions of possibilities how this conversations could have been and neither of them pleases me. Why do people think I have to look like Barbie herself, just because I am a girl and blond? Why do they think studied and good educated girls are boring? Why do they think any gender plays a role? Why should we care? It took me some time and it still makes me angry, sad, anxious when I see people acting like that, and asking these damn questions.
In my opinion, we are all individuals, no matter what, so why shouldn’t we act like it? Why shouldn’t we live it? There is just one real answer:
“YES, we should!”, it is.
1. My body is mine and only I can mess with it!
I think, body positivity is a big topic of loving yourself, so I’ll start with that. I won’t start with this “You are wonderful just as you are” – shit, because sometimes it aren’t the others letting us feel bad, but ourselves. We are unhappy with our chubby/ too thin legs, our bellies, boobs, muscles, hair, just everything, because we are searching for a way to look perfect. Lately I found out, I feel the most myself, when I don’t look perfect, but a little bit messy from weekend and wearing my favorite clothes. So? What does this tells us?
When you feel bad with anything related to your figure and body, only you can do something to make you feel better. Accept the things you can’t change. Like your eye color, or your stupid looking navel, and try to work on the things you don’t like. Being thin doesn’t make you happier, and being somehow curvy can make your life much better. For some their happiness will depend on losing some pounds, for others on gaining some. But all that doesn’t really matters, it matters how YOU like your body and how you want it to look, not someone else. Not the fashion models you will never met, not the cute arrogant guy at school, who only wants another trophy, and even not your parents. Just YOU, you, you. Just be healthy! Don’t lose too much weight in too short time, and don’t start eating like a crazy monkey to get some calories. Another secret in my opinion is: Give your body the good stuff! Yes you should enjoy drinking coffee and eating sweets, but it is also important to eat healthy 🙂 It will make you feel more in balance with your body 🙂
And treat yourself. Buy this glasses/ jeans/dress/ shoes, you look lit with, because thats what you will look like, when you feel good wearing it. If you love make up: fine, if you don’t like wearing it, also fine! It doesn’t matter that mom jeans are in, when your booty won’t fit in them cause you have a Latina ass. It doesn’t matter that messy buns look super cool on Instagram and Pinterest, when you have thin hair that will look like some bug sitting on your head. And, in my case, don’t wear the super tight and skinny stuff, when you aren’t feeling well wearing it. You will look unhappy with your choice, you will pull down your shirt, or up the jeans, or hide your exposed belly with your arms, because what you are wearing may not be you. Just wear, what you feel comfortable in, the people will recognize your confidence 😉 Should I avoid the beach for years, till I feel good enough and fit enough? I wouldn’t see the ocean anymore till I am dead. So who cares? I want to have fun in my life, and that doesn’t concerns all the issues I have with my body. I will wear dresses in a club, with my dirtiest Martens, if I feel like it, and I will wear this super hot Bikini, even if my hips are a little bit more curvy than others. Body Positivity isn’t about, what others think about your body, but what you think about it, that you should feel good wearing your skin!
2. The curse of shy people/ or being a crazy lad
Well that’s a difficult topic, cause I never was shy and I don’t have many shy friends, because they wouldn’t go very well along with me, BUT that’s not the point. If you are shy and thoughtful and manage the things with yourself, that’s great. Cause the friends you will find, will be the ones, who really care for your character and especially for your kind soul. That are the important people for you. So never let someone tell you, you are too quiet! Also I heard from a lot of people, that others think, they are arrogant, because they won’t speak everything out loud, and won’t participate in every conversation. But why talk, when you have nothing to say? Or don’t want to offend the people in front of you?
It’s fine, to be shy, because a lot of people will appreciate you for it. You will be more confident when you are in a group with your friends, or people you know for a long time, and that’s enough!
Your ice will break, surrounded by the right people. Shy people are just as funny and sarcastic and mad as everybody else, they just hide it better 🙂 They just melt, when they feel comfortable with the others 🙂 And sometimes there has to be a big BOOM, to get someone really shy, to get loud and defensive.
That are the other ones. Difficulties in school and university can make us grow up, crashing our boundaries and help us feeling more like ourselves. That’s what happened to me. It is good to be shy, but also to be loud, and funny, full of dark humor and surrounded by a group. When you think you have to say something, like my inner feminist sometimes feels, then do it. We aren’t in the 17th century anymore, be loud, have a voice, have an opinion and have fun! People that don’t like you because you are a chaos in yourself, a storm in a group, won’t like you if you were silent either 😉 Do your choices for yourself and for nobody else 🙂
3. Flirt the hell out of them
So give me a minute, to let my inner feminist speak a bit. She has much to say.
Nobody has much confidence, when the topic is dating. Cause talking to someone new, is always a special task to attempt. Even for the arrogant and self-confident ones.
“Am I pretty enough?”/ “Do I have enough muscles?”/ “I should have worn another outfit.” – and other stuff is going around in our head, when we are going to know or date someone. It doesn’t matters if you like boys, girls, transgenders, plants, it will always be difficult. I am a girl, and I asked boys out for a date, I am a girl, and boys asked me out for dates. Both of us found it somehow difficult to walk trough a filled club, and spend the other one a drink. I even was asked at work. And I just can say: Thumbs up for that! You can’t gain or lose something, when you won’t play. (All what I write you can also take as advice for your job dream and anything else 😉 Everyone will get dumped someday. Thats totally normal, because you can’t be everybodies type. No one will. Thats another type of diversity, and I am happy that it is like that. Where would we be, if everybody would have the same type?
Also: Every boy or girl, can be happy to have you, but not anyone will know that! And thats fine! Cause you want someone loving you just like you learned loving yourself or not? Or maybe, if you are happy, someone who shows you how much he/she loves you, so you learn to love yourself. That won’t be a random person you’ve walked by in a coffeeshop, or it will exactly be this person! Maybe you haven’t met your perfect human being yet, but that doesn’t mean, you are less worth it than others, or that no one likes you, but that your special someone is anywhere in this world and you haven’t found him/ her yet.
4. How to kill people who don’t want you to look sad
First of all: There is a phenomenon called resting bitch face, never forget that, because maybe you have one 😉
Second: Who the hell are you to tell me, when I have to look happy and when sad?
Who hasn’t heard that yet? I have a million times. Like: I just have to snap my fingers – and yay! – I am happy again. So easy you guys! Try it out!
Thats bullshit. Yes sometimes you just have to get your shit together and plaster a smile onto your face, but on most occasions you don’t have to. Your soul is the most important part of you. You should treat it well, and when your mind and soul are unhappy, that is fine! Just wrap yourself in some blankets and talk to no one, or being at work; be polite, but let the others know that you need some silent time. Everyone has a bad day sometimes, even three a week, and there is no one in the world who is in the position to judge you for it. These feelings are your heart and soul telling you, that something isn’t okay, and you should listen to that voice! Otherwise: Don’t let someone tell you, that you are annoying, because you are ever happy, talking too much and laughing to loud. They don’t have to deal with it and are free to go away, instead of insulting you by asking you to act different. Maybe you are someones sunshine, and you will rescue someones day, just with your bad jokes and bright smile 🙂 Emotions are what makes us human, so I can tell, I am insulted, when anyone asks me to feel otherwise than I do in the moment.
so here some tips to kill people like them:
- drown them silently in your tears
- make them laugh, till they die on the floor, gasping for air
- put on a bright smile and give them a cookie of “who cares” to choke on
- ask them, if they want some of your pills
- just smile in their face
- tell them your grandmother/cat died, they will feel horrible (they won’t know grandmother died 50 times and is still alive making you the “who cares” cookies)
(please note the irony and don’t feel offended!)
5. Sometimes others just act like assholes
And a special lesson by me: Don’t take everything to your heart, what others say, because some of them are just dickheads, who want you to feel bad. There are girls that will talk ugly about you, because they are envious, cause you fit so good in with the guys, while she is such a pretty barbie without a brain. She will tell about you, that you are a H**, or ugly or everything, that makes her feel better. Or you are the “Barbie” and she will say to her lads that your only interest is make-up and Netflix and Chill. There will be boys, who say, that you are a weak man, or not a man at all, cause you cry, or are gay, just because they envy, that you are free enough to show your emotions. There will be co-workers who made your work bad, just because their days are terrible, and they want you to be as stressed out and unhappy as they are. There will a grandma looking you over in the supermarket, cause you own a million tattoos, or a group of rockers, who think you don’t fit in, cause you look like a girl, but dance like a boy. A lot of human believe in being conform, building a community, where everyone looks alike, and only what is in, is good. Where we all share one opinion, and where is always black and white and never grey. There are a million possibilities, why other people want you to feel uneasy in your skin. There are a million shades of grey! (Get the quote ? 😀 ) But mostly that’s, because they don’t like theirselves! It has nothing to do with you, and it shouldn’t bother you. I know it is difficult, but try to ignore the voices of people, who never talked to you at all or never took their time getting to know you for real, like you are, inside out. They don’t matter. If you are happy with your actions and appearance, no one else matters. Just YOU.
If there is something to add, tricks, tips, topics, just comment and I will take it in 😉 Even I couldn’t talk about everything.
So whenever you have issues with yourself, think about this: